Today is my MIL's birthday. She states that she likes her birthdays to pass her by quietly unacknowledged. Well, this is me we're talking about, the woman whose, one of few, creative talents is cake baking. *and eating* But also, I have to say, I love my mother-in-law! We, like all family members, have our disagreements. Her family is, well WAS, a family of few disagreements or so it would appear, until I came along. Raucous dyfunctional Southern Baptist preacher's daughter meets reserved agnostic/atheistic close knit family. They could and probably should make a Lifetime movie about us. Anyway, having met Pam almost 8 years ago, I think I know her pretty well now. Just like any other loved one in your life, you begin to predict their sentences and you could easily mimic their mannerisms. With her, the things that once made me cringe have become some of her most endearing qualities.

*I must diverge here to say that I believe I feel this way about my own parents. BUT I think it's much more difficult to overlook the faults of those who raised you and, subsequently, genectically and emotionally saddled you with a lifetime of idiosyncracies you can't seem to buck off! My mother will always be number one, but as we know as mothers, one IS the loneliest number that you'll ever know. Mother-In-Law's know you for who you are now, not for the who they continuously tried to mold and sometimes mash you into growing up. I think my mother has finally grasped that we are very similar people with very different views and beliefs about the world. My mother-in-law knew we were different immediately, but, being who she is, has managed to respectfully hold her tongue or sugar coat things for the greater cooperative peace in our family, MOST of the time. Strangely, something that I love about my mother and dread at the same time is that she boldly speaks her mind often throwing in a hard to swallow poo flavored nugget of wisdom. One that, generally, upon digestion, has a comforting and sweet quality about it.*

So, back to Pam...I was young and just beginning my journey as an autonomous adult when she entered my life. Kelly and I found ourselves on the precipice of becoming parents. Not just parents, but young parents barely having discovered what it was we wanted for our lives, together OR as individuals. She has always been there for us. She is still here for us. With advice, precautionary tales, time, and financial help. A lot of times, especially in the beginning, I loathed her help. I had finally broken away from my own parents. I was supporting myself (basically), had a job, living a couple thousand miles from home, only to find myself back under the roof of another mom! Her subdued efforts at advice had a way of causing my blood pressure to rise. I was angry, but as years have passed, I've realized it wasn't with her. I was angry at her son for all the reasons any new mother might understand. My body had changed and his hadn't. He continued to feel hormonally even tempered. He kept going to school and working. He had all of his friends and RIGHT THERE, I was living in the home of HIS PARENTS. I was trying to adjust to the maelstrom of new emotions and reckon them with old yearnings but all the scenes had changed. I didn't feel I had choices. My choices were made by my husband (who wasn't my husband at that time) and his parents, who were easier to be angry with!

She has been so patient through it all. She still doesn't hold back on her advice, but now I'm very attentive. She, like anyone else, deserves to be heard. Bob Dylan says "take what you need and leave the rest." Well, that's what we all do, isn't it? I find that when I listen with an open heart, which I didn't do years ago, what she says is very important. She listens to me too. There is a fair exchange of information and often, like old friends we find ourselves interrupting one another and disagreeing about things, but ultimately we understand that we want similar things. We want to be loved, respected, healthy, and happy and we want the same for our families. She never hesitates to call me with the latest toy recalls or spinach warnings, but this, I've discovered is because she values us. She wants us to be safe and healthy. She always has an anecdotal tale to share, a quantitive evaluation based on, not only her experience, but the experiences of those she knows. I find her arguments to be very convincing and lovingly delivered.

In-laws bring to a marriage what door number three in Let's Make A Deal often did. You find that you just traded your chances at a corvette only to gain...ZONK! A lifetime supply of rotten goat's cheese and a delivery of cow dung on your doorstep. Though only related by the document that does no better job creating happy, involved marriages, you are nonetheless, tied indelibly to one another. No laws can govern this or any other relationship. When you bring laws into things that very rarely means justice or fairness. It usually just represents the amount of paperwork that accompanies whatever is happening in life. We need less laws and more life. Life has natural consequences and one of the consequences of my many choices is that I've acquired an amazing Mother-in-Life!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to an amazing Mother, Grandmother, and Mother-In-Law!!!