One of my very best friends is going to have a baby. I'm sure most of you have a close friend or relative that has gotten pregnant and filled you with anticipation and excitement. This pregnancy is especially exciting for me! She had convinced me in all our years of friendship that another baby was NOT a possibility. But, Lo and behold, I receive a call out of the blue in late summer asking me where I'd be in March of this year. I thought she'd lost her marbles, going overboard, planning another large family and friend get together, as she is a marvelous hostess! But, NO...she wanted to know where'd i'd be so that I could mark my calendar for the days she may possibly need me to be there waiting for the arrival of little Julia Rose!!! Well, my calendar is clear, the husband on standby, and my giddiness is through the roof. I've had close friends have babies before, but none that have lived near me and feel so much like family that I can hold, love, and kiss their babies!

This particular friend already has one child, a nice house, husband, and supportive mother. I learned with the birth of my third that you are given what you need to complete your life, whether intentionally or not. This new little girl will round out her family so nicely. She will be the perfect piece to complete their puzzle and this knowledge makes my heart swell just a little. 

I've had such a difficult time making peace with the sacrifices and chaos of family life. Being a stay at home mom has left me feeling useless and helpless so often that I sometimes forget that this is the choice I made. Rationally I know I'm doing the most important work that I could possibly do. But there are times, at the end of the day, where I wonder if I would be more helpful, more fulfilled, doing something else? I also feel that I've missed opportunities that may never come again. Then I have to wonder if I'd ever have found those opportunities had I not had children. These kids drive every decision and most every thought I have. They are the loves of my life and no job, no career, no amount of money, could separate our interwoven lives and seamlessly stitched souls apart. I feel so blessed to be a part of this transition for another family. Even though your house often feels like a home, it isn't until these types of changes, that you realize something really was missing.  I like the idea that the world is in a perpetual cycle of  creation and destruction. I like to think of myself as an architect, not only in my own cycle, but in that of my friends. Helping them to build, figuratively and literally, structures in their lives that bring them joy and love. It brings me a sense of peace and connectedness to think that when these structures begin to erode, that we've built a more permanent edifice together. A test against time and hardship...our friendship. And that, God willing, I am still here to help see them through their difficulties and into the next cycle. 

My girlfriend's baby shower was this past Sunday. There were generations of beautiful, strong women and mothers there. I don't always realize the importance of things in the moment, but in retrospect those moments are what make this life worth living and struggling through.  She was definitely showered with wonderful and thoughtful gifts. Some handmade, some store bought, but all with similar intentions. To let her know that we love her because we've been there, will be there, or want to be there. I made a couple little things myself and love posting pictures when I get the opportunity to sit and make something. The first thing I made is a flax star baby. She is stuffed with wool, flax, lavender, and chamomile. She can be heated, cooled, gnawed on, or just cuddled with as needed.

The other thing I made was a mushroom home baby rattle. It has a little bell and it's stuffed with wool. I figured it could be decorative or used as Julia grows. My kids build all kinds of imaginary worlds in their rooms and I envision Julia doing the same.