Coffee shops have always been a place of respite for me, delivering the warmth and indulgence that I so rarely get since I'm always caring for others. Lately I've noticed that it seems to also be an office space for those who have no desire to interact but crave the din of human voices. Just not tiny human voices. God help me if I take my children in the coffee shop with me! It's as if there are only a few places you are allowed to go once you have children, those places being:

• The grocery store. It seems that people feel horrible for you the entire time and keep asking you why you insist on bringing the kids with you. I often reply that my au pair quit because my children wouldn't stop flinging poo at her...They shut up. Problem solved.
• Children's Clothing stores. See the above for further explaination
• Parks and playgrounds. I do enjoy taking my children to parks and playgrounds, but often find the company of other adults to be more than I can tolerate. First there's the sandbox politics and careful mediation of every interaction between your child and another. Then, there's the mothers who have decided that benign neglect is the best way to raise children as their boys terrorize every living soul on the playground. I have a boy so, no thank you, I do not need a dissertation on gender differences. When these mothers are confronted about their son's name calling and brutality I am then told that "boys will be boys." Well, no argument there, I'm not asking for castration just simple consideration. I DID NOT realize this was gender specific!
• Restaurants: Only the type that offer paper place settings and 4 crayons in primary colors. These are mostly to use as appetizers before the superb quality meal you will be served after 5 minutes of microwaving or an unbearably long cigarette break by the high school cook.

And, well, that's about it. Why is it that mothers are no longer allowed in coffee shops to grab a quick, replenishing jolt of caffeine? It's my one indulgence, the thing that gets me through my day. You can organize your flicker account, update your quickbooks, or redesign your website from the comfort of your home! I, however, cannot get a yummy espresso drink, without neglecting my child's college fund for a machine. Please have pity on me and quit gawking when I roll up with my bunch. I promise they won't bite your ankles or fling poo at you...

unless I promise them a vanilla steamed milk.