HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

PLEEEEEEAASE, Does anyone hear me? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

I've been here for almost eight years now, can someone help me? Why isn't anyone looking at me? I keep screaming and everyone just walks by, occasionally you look at me, but you don't seem to care.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!

I've spent the time here talking to myself. Obviously, I'm my own best friend and worst enemy. WOW, at least I can avoid the mirror here. It's such a dark place. I'm glad I don't have to spend too much time worrying about the way I look. I feel so alone. All I have are my thoughts to keep me company. Well, that and all the things I have to do. Waking everyone up, getting people dressed, making meals, doing dishes, doing laundry, driving to and from schools, cleaning spills, brushing teeth, washing little hands, packing lunches, cleaning the toilet, sink, and tub, holding, rocking, singing, cuddling, comforting, reassuring, supporting, and encouraging others. It all sounds rewarding, productive, right? RIGHT???

Hmm, no one hears me? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! How long should a person scream before they give up? Oh my god, I feel like I can't breathe!!! HELLOOOOOO?! I. CAN'T. BREATHE.

Oh, wait, no nevermind, I'm OK, I'm breathing, I'm OK. WHEW. I'm glad I'm still here.

Wait...HERE. Where is here? What am I doing here? How did I get here? HELLOOOOOO? Can someone wake me up, talk to me, let me know I'm here? Does anyone see me. I'm talking to you!

Didn't I make you breakfast this morning? Oh, that's right. I remember, you told me it was gross and pushed it away. I spent 10 minutes trying to make that pancake into the shape of a turtle! Ok, so it DID look more like a teddy bear, but I thought you liked teddy bears? They're cute and cuddly and...What's that? You want juice? OK, I'll grab this cup. Oh, no, the pink one? Not the pink one with the flowers but the one with the teapot? OK. WHA-What happened? Why are you crying? Oh, I know your brother rubbed against you, but he has to walk around you to get to his chair. I promise you'll be OK.

Will I be OK? Do you guys hear me? I'd love a warm cup of coffee. I'd like to sit down a second, sitting is nice, so I'm told by the man whose ring I wear. What's that, babe? You'd like some coffee? Hold on I'll brew a pot right now. Oh, and you're hungry? Yeah, I'm thinking of making something...Oh, sure, I'll make you something too, I'm making the kids something. Just a sec, let me go and get the baby dressed. Oh, the toaster dinged. OK. I'm on it. I've just gotta grab a snowsuit, some gloves, and a coat, could you help me, uh...Where'd you go?

I should be used to this by now. I've done this before, this is my third time, actually. I expected it. I think I remember how I got here? Oh, yes, someone wanted to acknowledge me, touch me, give me attention. AHHH, that felt so good...for a minute. And then, there was a baby, another one. Someone else to care for. People looked at me then. Sometimes they even spoke. And the things they'd say...I felt understood for a moment. I knew I wasn't alone.

Until I was...

HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!

No, I understand you have a lot going on. Work is really hard, there are lots of customers you have to attend to. After all we can't live without money. I would be terrified to live in this dark, lonely place without money! We have all the modern comforts, a home, a car, heat, hot water, and food! And some days I want more, a bigger house, a better car, more clothes. Hmmm, I think I'm trying to fill a void with things. I remember when you were enough. I'm not mad at you. It's just that sometimes I wish you could pay attention to me without me having to shout or beg. I wish that you would show appreciation by making me breakfast or taking the kids somewhere unexpected so I could do things unhindered. I should be thankful? Oh, I know, I'm sorry...I should. I AM! I always try to show how thankful I am. I clean, cook, and WANT to spend time with YOU. Where are you all of the time? Oh, yeah, the money. The stuff we can't live without. That's right...

What's the purpose of all of this? Happiness, health, wealth? The only thing that gives me comfort is the people around me. Wait...

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!

Where is everyone? Please someone, a hug? A laugh? Where did you all go? Wow, this place is depressing.

At least I have my health...and money.

AND the amazing power of being invisible.