- life as a dreamer. the first
8 weeks 6 days ago - Your thoughts
36 weeks 1 day ago - Needling at me...
44 weeks 4 days ago - felting
44 weeks 4 days ago - GOLBIN FURRY
1 year 6 weeks ago - wintertime
1 year 30 weeks ago - will-o-the wisps
1 year 31 weeks ago - Your wall hanging is lovely.
1 year 33 weeks ago - Well Said
1 year 36 weeks ago - could not have written it better-
1 year 37 weeks ago
Keep your eyes to the skies
I've been having a rough few weeks. I'm not sure how to explain what I mean by this. I'm doing Ok some days and others, I just cry and fume. I don't know about what. I mean, to hear me talk you'd think it's all horrible, but the reality is, it isn't! Life is good, I'm healthy, I want for nothing. Partly I believe it's that undeniably human part of me making myself miserable. It's that I LONG for more. I have enough clothes, but they're not nice clothes or sexy clothes, just the basic jeans and t-shirt attire. I want another bathroom so that my children don't have to fight over who goes first while I fuss at them and remind them to take turns, meanwhile despising them both because my bladder has backed up into my eyeballs and I really just want to pee first! We're a family of five and we live in a house, that perhaps, people did 100 years ago with large families, but now it seems too modest. I want a bigger kitchen so I feel that I can invite people over and have dinner parties. I have enough food, but I want better, healthier food that I invest my own sweat into and prepare with my own two hands. Finally, I want more time in a day. I want time to sit idly by while my children knead and mold playdoh, help them write and perform fairy tales, or read Goodnight Moon just one more time instead of rushing to get everything done and still having my chores and responsibilities spill over into the next day. I want to spend more time with my husband who I stay angry at, not because he doesn't try, but because there IS work to be done and he must provide for us or we wouldn't have all the things that we have. He allows me these precious moments with my children and, most days, I'm so bitter and blinded by all the things I'm NOT doing, that I fail to remember what it is that I am BLESSED to be doing!!!
I have sat down no less than 10 times to write out a post, when I'm immediately needed or being pawed at by my littlest saying in her saddest, sweetest voice, "up, up!" At that moment I realize how important her request really is. I must remind myself to stay up. I must remind myself to keep my head up. That up above me there are mysterious forces at work that are guiding my life. And below me, only knee high, are those who need me to look up even when I'm down. They are trying their best to grow up and one day they will model my behavior. They will either slap on a smile despite the world or they will wither and curse their situation. As I was driving home this afternoon, I passed a church sign that read:
Write your sorrows in the sand, carve your blessings in stone.
Whatever force you believe is in control or if you believe it's all just chaotic coincidence, life, through all of its chaos has a way of pointing me in the right direction. I keep my eyes peeled for anything that I can interpret as divine intervention. Perhaps this is foolish or corny, but it's what gets me through. It's what keeps me looking up. And, as long as I'm looking up, it's difficult to get me down.
life and livin'
Well Said
"it's still painful at times to experience a bit of seperaton anxiety from your former self and paired with my on-going perfectionism (i can only imagine how this might manifest in my soon-to-be son) definitely make life more challenging. the role of a parent is forever. it never lets up, not even for a moment. but it is a forever gift to our children and if we didn't freak out every now and then...what good would we be to them? we would likely be devoid of the very depth of character that causes us to want more for ourselves, more for them, more of the world. it is healthy, it is inevitable and i think it is a sign that we are spiritual, deep and thinking creatures - the best we could ever be for them and for us."
Actually brought tears to my eyes! I've been having a rough go of it for longer than I let on, but the worst part is knowing that I'm in no rush for this to be over. I love my children but it is a bitter mix of sleep deprivations, self deprivation, and NOISE! I love you. You are going to be an excellent mother.
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